Fellowship

I have no idea what I'm doing next year. I graduate in May, and I want to believe I'll have everything worked out by then, but let's be honest..nobody has everything worked out ahead of time anymore. I'm really good at planning my future, and I am rarely without a job when something ends (such as school, or a visa) for more than a week. I just seem to have a knack for finding something that will do when I need to. Like when I was a sophomore in college, I had a really high cell phone bill, so I told my parents I was getting a job during the spring semester. I went up to school over Xmas break and asked if they needed help at the bookstore, and voila, I was hired for the 'rush' time period on the spot, and worked there for the next year. Or when I moved to England on my six month visa. One of the girls I was living with had been 'looking' for a job for over six months, and had been unsuccessful. I arrive in England on Wednesday, Sept 6th, and had two jobs by the next Wednesday. Granted one was working in a laundromat three nights a week sweeping and mopping, but nobody ever said I had to do a fancy job.

There are many other examples, and I often tend to have too many jobs at one time because I have a problem saying no. On that note, I've now applied for around eight jobs and if I was offered one of them, it would be interesting to figure out how I would get out of my internship here at NCSU. Ha, hopefully, that will not be a problem I have to deal with. Hopefully.

I figured out last month or so that I don't really want to work in higher education. Its not that I 'hate' it per se, its that I'm bored and unchallenged. And when I'm bored and unchallenged, I spent lots of time on Facebook, Twitter and blogging. It makes me feel really productive, let me just say. The impetus for my wish not to work in higher ed is that I want to do non-profit work, and eventually work with the micro-financing loan company, Kiva (www.kiva.org). This is an unbelievable organization that I became involved with back in May, and it has made me want to focus my life solely on helping other people. After making this decision, I was introduced to something called the Duke Endowment Fellowship by a classmate, and I could literally not believe how amazing this looked. Its a two year program where I would be working with non profits in four different areas: child care, higher education, health care, and rural churches. The endowment has literally millions of dollars, and I would be in charge of making sure things ran smoothly in all four of these areas. The pay is un-flippin-believable, and it almost seems too good to be true, honestly. It would start in August and I would have to move to Charlotte, and it would go until May 2012. Oh yeah, did I mention that to be a Fellow you have to be from either NC or SC (check) and have a degree from a school in either NC or SC (check - two degrees from NC)?

I've been a little worried about it because I don't have much experience with non-profits, and I haven't been focusing on this as much as I probably should have been. I have convinced myself its a long shot, but that it is worth the shot anyway. I've been completing the application for a while, and yesterday, a glimmer of hope arose. I looked back over the fellowship program and realized I have experience in two of the four program areas (I was a preschool teacher who worked with families of all financial situations and lives, and I'm getting my M.Ed in higher education administration and have been working in the field for two years), and I'm also a member of the United Methodist Church (which I also grew up in). UMC churches are the primary churches funded by the Endowment. So, really, the only thing I am lacking any sort of experience in would be health care, and I fully disclose and own my lack of experience in this field.

I got kind of excited about this yesterday, but I don't know if its extremely premature. I'm beginning an internship with the National MS Society in the spring, which will give me some experience with a non-profit; and really, higher education, especially public universities, is the biggest non-profit out there..at least technically speaking. The application is due on Tuesday, the 15th, and I've finished my questions and I'm having them edited, so I'm almost finished. My only concern is that I'm getting my hopes up, but I feel like I've got a pretty healthy grasp on my chances. Only 15 people get interviews, and obviously you have to a Carolinian of some sort. There have only been four other fellows, two of which have had only their BAs, one had her JD, and the current one has her MA, so I'm at least equal in education to them all.

I'm not putting many of my eggs in this basket, but oh my goodness would this be a dream come true. I guess I'll find out my chances if I get an interview in January. Squee!

Day 1

I've always been told free association is one of the most cathartic exercises you can do, so I guess here goes.

Thanksgiving is right up there in ranks of favorite holidays for me, if not my absolute favorite. For the past five years or so, my family has gone own to my aunt and uncle's farm in Southwest Georgia, where we relax for five or six days and eat until our hearts' are content. Its my dad's side of the family, which includes his two brothers and sister and his 86 year old mother. They're all a bunch of characters, so family get-togethers are always fun and interesting. This year was no different.

I rode down to Georgia with my sister and my 6-month-old nephew, and their dog, Logan. We followed our parents who took my dog, Piper, and set out early Wednesday morning. Okay, 9 am is not exactly early, but still. It was a nice ride down with the sis and nephew, and some quality bonding was done. We got down to the farm, and the dogs could barely contain themselves enough to let us open the doors. They l-o-v-e love being down there. Almost as much as we love them being worn out from all the running they do ;). We stay in town at a small hotel during these trips, so I ran from downtown Thomaston to the farm the next morning - 8 miles of blankety-blank hills. I was not prepared for these, to say the least, so the run was a bit painful. But it was worth it and I got it over with. Thanksgiving day was normal, and just revolved around eating and visiting and watching the dogs, and the baby entertain the rest of us. Ah, bliss.

The next morning, dad and I were just coming into the house when I see someone being rolled over on the floor below at the stairs. For a split second I thought it was my mother, and then realized it was Grandma. She apparently passed out and fell backwards, twisted, and landed face down. Thankfully, some extended family members were there, including two doctors, so Grandma was taken care of pretty well. The ambulance was called, and Grandma was quickly transported to the local hospital. (A little background information on my father's mother: she is 86, lives alone in a house she rents from my parents (her husband died in 1985), loves animals almost as much (if not more than) as people, and is one of the most stubbornly independent people mankind may ever know. No, seriously. She's stubborn.)

Grandma spent Friday, Saturday and part of Sunday morning in the hospital to recover - she ended up dislocating two fingers and breaking one finger on her right hand, and had a nasty bruise on her face that she got from skidding across the carpet. We were all supposed to leave on Saturday, but with Grandma still in the hospital, my dad and I (and Piper!) ended up staying until Monday so we could get her back to Albemarle. We got back so late to Albemarle that I didn't feel like driving two more hours, or forcing my dog to be in the car for two more hours (worst traveler ever), so I didn't get back to Raleigh until Tuesday morning. I immediately went to work, and its just been a whirlwind since then.

Needless to say, this was quite an emotional turn of events for me. I've always been very close to Grandma, as she's basically the only one I've ever known. My mom's parents died when I was 3 (Granddaddy) and 4(Grandmother), and my dad's dad died when I was 9 months old. I've known for the past couple of years that she was getting older and less able to do all the things she's always done. But it didn't hit me how much things have changed until I saw her on Friday morning. I absolutely could not deal with it and had to go outside. This worries me because I know I'm going to have to deal with her not being around anymore at some point. Logically, I've always known that that day will come, but that definitely does not mean I am anywhere near prepared for it. I talk to Grandma at least every two weeks or so, and she's always been a confidante of mine who listens to anything and everything. The stories she's told about growing up and her life before grandchildren are as memorable to me as they are to her I believe. I should have been writing them down because some of them are real jewels. I know how blessed I've been to have her live so close to me growing up (only about a mile away), and to have the relationship I have with her, one which was a main goal of mine from the time I was very young. How selfish am I that I don't want to imagine life without her around? Am I going to be able to deal with it when that day comes? Cause if my reaction Friday is any indication, I don't think I will be. The other thing I'm worried about is resenting her for not accepting help. She's still on the fence about having someone check on her or stay with her, even though she's passed out twice, with dire consequences, in the last month. I am all for being independent as long as you can be, but for goodness sake, enough is sometimes enough. I don't want my relationship with her to change because of this, but I don't know how to stop it from happening.

So there's my free association for this morning. All of these things have been going through my head all week, so I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am that its Friday. This weekend is shaping up to be super fun, birthday parties, running, homework, and dog bathing are in store! Also, its Christmastime! I put in my all-time favorite Christmas CD yesterday and I'm pretty sure everything started looking up as soon as I did that. J'adore this time of year :)